NOTE: If you aren't interested in my life, or you think I am just going to complain hereafter, it is your choice to read, but I do not want to read any offensive comments or complaints about what I have to say here; it is your choice to read or not read, and it is not my fault if you.



I haven't update my journal in a while, so I decided that I should probably update it for those of you that might care to read and are interested in how things have been going. I just got back from our Thanksgiving football game. It turns out we actually won, so people we really happy.

I realized how disfunctional my family really is... I know a lot of people have disfunctional familys and all, and some of you may say it isn't all that bad, but that may only mean you are the type of person who could care less for family, or has a lot of friends who support you like a family.

I can't really say I care for my own life now... The only way I would know I care to even talk about myself is the fact that I am typing a journal entry... But that may be only because some of you would be concerned if you knew I were in this state of mind, and it wouldn't be fair if I didn't tell you. I care about you, my friends, a lot, and love you and cherish you all... but I do not feel a lot of support from you guys, though I don't really mind, nor do I blame you all... I understand you have your own problems and lives to deal with and that is how it is, but that is how my whole family is...

My great grandfather died this past year, and many of you may say, "I'm sorry that he died," and such, but he was the only person we all went to during holidays... We would always go to pop's place and get the whole family together, the whole Schwartz side, the side of the family where I am the last male child... And I used to take pride in that, being the only one to bring the family through. It's like all of the family's meaning lies within what I do; the family's future is in my hands... But I don't even know my family anymore... We never get together... No one tries to contact me or anything... No one even shares the same interests as I do.

My grandfather is a multimillionaire who owns a travel agency. He is a very powerful man, and he worked hard to get to that height in life, and that is the amount of success that I have to achieve and surpass... But who cares? That is the question... Quite honestly, I don't really care about myself... I find my reason for living in that I make people happy, and I find my energy coming from one special person that I love and care for more than anyone else, and right now, that person is Erica, but her parents do not seem to accepting of him... I understand she is young and all, and that her parents are probably being protective and don't want anything to go too far, but does that mean we shouldn't be together? I believe her parents would rather us not be going out, actually... I like to think I make her happy and that I brighten her day, but if her family bars me off from her and them, and she still lives on just as well, does she truly need me? I don't see any benefit in her going out with me at the moment, and I don't want to do nothing more than consume the title of her boyfriend and simply chain her off from doing things that she might want to do.

All of these things keep going on in my head... I am not sure what to think anymore... I am sure some of you might be thinking I'm really not that stable right now, and some of you may afraid that I might do something crazy, but remember; I would never hurt myself or kill myself... It is stupid... Now some of you may be upset at me because you may have had some people in your lives that killed themselves, but that was their choice, and suicide is only a quick, easy, and permanent way to escape from life. I don't want to escape from life; if I did, I wouldn't be typing all of this out, hoping that someone may help clear things up for me or atleast give me some suggestions or their opinions on what may truly be going on.

I thank you if you have sat here and read all that I have written... I do truly appreciate it, and even if you do not comment me or say anything about this, it shows you actually have some care or atleast some interest in who am I, what I have to say, or even simply how I write. Have a good day, all, and Happy Belated Thanksgiving...



I am glad to say that I am feeling better and none of you should be concerned. I spent about an hour talking to my friend listened and commented and pouring everything out allowed me to feed it back into the cycle of my brain once more. It was like having a twenty page paper jam, somethings harder to get out than others, but I got it all going through again. Thank you for your concern, and I hope I can write another journal entry soon in order to make up for the concern that this one may have caused some of you.